Unforgiveness is "Punishing yourself for
something someone else did."
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| Daniel Martin |
Forgiveness is not an emotion but a choice. The
desire to forgive, may or may not be present. What is important is that you
choose to forgive. Feelings are tailored to circumstance. If you choose to
forgive, feelings are going to adapt to that. The choice to forgive is like a
key. No matter how big the door, if you have the key, you can open it.
Forgiveness is possible. We forgive because we were forgiven by God.
Emmanuel Mutangana from Rwanda, tells us that
when he was 12 years old he was called out of school because his father had been
murdered. When he saw his younger brothers and his mother crying, he decided not
to cry, and he didn't. He just concentrated in living to avenge the murder of
his father. He didn't laugh again, either. He blocked his emotions. But music
helped him to get to know about God and His love and finally, he decided to
receive forgiveness and to forgive as well. He says: "I was freed of the weight
of sadness, bitterness, and anger when I forgave."
When to
forgive?
1. When you feel like
forgiving? Corrie Ten Boom says: “You can’t. I can’t. But Jesus in
us can.” You make the decision to forgive and God gives you the strength. Watch Corrie Ten Boom sharing this experience:
2. When the offender is truly sorry? Or when he asks for
forgiveness?
Jesus forgave his executioners before they
asked for forgiveness. They had not even repented! "...forgive
them, for they do not know what they do." They were adults
, they knew what they were doing. They might have realized his innocence (as
Pilate did) But, Jesus looked at their hearts and saw that they did not
understand the magnitude of what they were doing. And we have to have this same
attitude. Look at the aggressor as "an ignorant" (somebody that doesn't
understand the magnitude of the damage he or she is doing).
Forgiveness is not something passive. It
doesn't expect the other person to act. It makes the first move.
What keeps us
from forgiving ?
Our pride. Our emotional pain. We are wounded
and want the other person to pay for what he/she did. We're afraid of being
misunderstood when forgiving (that we may justify the bad behavior, or that we
are resigning to our rights, or that we lack self-esteem).
How to
forgive?
1. First make the decision. Forgive in your
heart. And every time the memory of the pain returns, say: "it's already
forgiven" until the pain becomes weaker.
2. Pray for the offender. Jesus said: "Pray for
those who persecute you." But, pray and wish good things for that person.
3. Then, if possible, show love and compassion
to whoever hurt you. You are not submitting to the aggressor. You are not
justifying his or her violence, or lack of care, you just decide not to
retaliate.
Lack of forgiveness is like moorings of a boat
that blocks it from it’s capacity to navegate freely. Now, like a boat that
looses its moorings and navigates life... Start to enjoy the freedom and peace
that forgiveness gives you. You are the first beneficiary of your
forgiveness.
Daniel Martin
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